Some days asthma makes me cross

My breathing problems affect my life on a daily basis.  Every morning when I wake up I take a handful of pills and puffs off inhalers.  I track peakflow numbers and sometimes take note of my oxygen saturation.  I must pay attention to my body and symptoms in an attempt to catch any flare up, attack or exacerbation before it gets bad.  I have to avoid smoke.  I can’t hang out around cats.  I have to stay out of musty/moldy buildings.  I have to limit my activity in extreme temperatures.  I must pay attention to the weather.  I must manage my stress levels.  I can’t let myself become too worn out or tired.

If I fail to stay on track with these things and others things can quickly go downhill for me.  I may not notice right away, but the longer I wait the worse it gets.  My rate of inhalation increases.  I may breathe shallowly.  I don’t always breathe with my abdomen well.  I over-utilize my auxiliary muscles to breathe.  I act irritated about everything.  I become sluggish and less responsive.  I slouch.  I become still.  I quit talking and start using other means of communication.  Oh yeah, and I can become irritable like a 3 year old who desperately needs a nap.

I’ve snapped at my wife, yelled at my daughter, blown people off, acted rude and have probably looked like an idiot at times.  I don’t like being this way and don’t try to act this way.  It’s just what happens sometimes when I can’t keep a lid on it anymore.  That stabbing pain every time I inhale or the constant struggle just to appear like I’m breathing normally without gasping for air in the middle of a meeting.  It can be rough sometimes.  I haven’t had a day where I’ve felt great since 2005 or so.  Invisible diseases are tough.