I just saw Logan Lucky (2017), grabbed some Taco Bell on the way home, and am now watching some Ozark (2017) with my awesome wife. Birthdays seem less and less important each year. I think that’s one of those “getting older” things. It also seems like a lot has happened this past year regarding my health.
I ended up in the hospital, again, with breathing issues. Official diagnosis was acute asthma exacerbation and acute respiratory failure. I continued to have trouble with oxygen levels dropping with activity and started seeing a pulmonologist specializing in pulmonary hypertension. I was immediately put on lasix, that drug which makes you pee a lot, to get fluid out of my system and started the tests. I’ve had echoes, stress tests, stress echoes, right heart cath, and will soon have a stress right heart cath. The doctor is pretty sure I have exercise induced pulmonary hypertension.
I have also complained for a couple years about my oxygen dipping below 90% for a while. This has always been attributed to the obstructive sleep apnea, but I was finally able to have it tested. An exercise desaturation test had me right at 89% which is just above the magic line for needing supplemental oxygen. A few months later I had a walk test, which is a much more simpler version of the previous one, and my oxygen dropped down to 81% while simply walking down a hallway. That earned me the label of chronic hypoxemic respiratory failure and I’m now on oxygen 24/7.
With all the breathing and oxygen problems it has been hard for me to do what I’d like. It’s difficult to watch myself slowly become less and less able to do what should be normal. I’d love to go to work everyday. I wish I could walk around the zoo all day with my kids. It would be nice to go outside and not have to worry about pollen counts, people burning stuff, or exhaust clouds from the mini-racetrack three miles down the road. I wish the cold air didn’t make my breath catch in my throat, and it’d be awesome if anything over 75F didn’t make me sweat profusely. Oh yeah, and don’t get me started on humidity. The oxygen has definitely helped. I can go see a movie and not feel sick by the end. I can ride in the car for a while and not feel exhausted and out of breath. I don’t have that starving for air feeling like I used to constantly have.
I feel the worst for my kids. I’m not a deadbeat like my father was, but it’s not like I’m able to do what I need to do with them and for them. To them I am seem normal though. They haven’t known me to be anything else but chronically ill. They aren’t confused as to why I don’t always go places. They know I can’t go to grandma’s house because she has cats. They don’t expect me to stay outside with them for long periods of time. They don’t ask me to play outside with them. Instead they go with me to doctor visits. They sometimes accompany me to the hospital for my injections. They know not to touch my drawers of medicine or play with any of my durable medical equipment. My three year old always apologizes if he steps on my oxygen tubing because he knows that might make it hard for me to breathe. I feel blessed with their patience and kindness towards me.
Oh, and I got a state issued handicap placard today for my car. I am now officially disabled in the eyes of the government. I used to have an issue with that label, but I got over it. I even got over myself enough to attend a convention with the family and allow my wife to push me around in a wheelchair the entire time. There is no way I could have been there without the oxygen and the wheelchair. My doctor is very against me having the handicap placard because he is certain I will cease all exercise. He says having a placard does something to you brain that makes you think you are disabled. The only reason I pushed for it was because the parking services people where I work are so difficult about allowing me to park in a semi-close location. I either pay the standard parking fee and walk half a mile, pay an extra $400 and walk about a block, or get some sort of handicap access. I have an ADA accommodation to be able to use handicap spots on campus, but the parking people still make it very difficult to receive the handicap sticker each year.
Well, I’ve most definitely complained enough for now. My life isn’t all that bad. I have a lot to be thankful for. You should also go see Logan Lucky if at all possible. It’s pretty awesome. Halfway through the movie I had already decided I’m buying it when it’s available.